Psalm 30:11-12

Alex and I enjoyed a pretty simple day. Again, we have been feeling a bit stuck in the mud lately with the topic of career. As many of you know, Alex just recently graduated and has been looking for a full time career in his area of study and we've just been waiting (probably impatiently according to God's watch) for that grand step into the door. Just yesterday we had received a "sorry have decided not to pursue the expansion (of the area he applied for)" letter from what could have been a great opportunity. We've been anticipating the baby's arrival, joyously of course, along with finding a larger place, which can't happen until that career is landed. We thought we were well on our way about a month ago until we were stopped in our tracks by a monstrous road block, who's name I will not mention, only it starts and ends with a G and works at a certain coffee company in Claremont. Anyway, my husband has been looking tiredlessly for a job that will make all his salutatorian efforts in college seem worth while, along with continuing his education at Academy of Arts San Francisco online courses. I can imagine his stress while all the while trying to keep me stress and worry free for the sake our growing little one.
So today we decided he deserved a day to be 'pampered' (plus he desperately needed a haircut). I found a barber shop called, Wilson Barber Shop, in Redlands (check it out here http://www.yelp.com/biz/wilsons-barber-shop-and-shave-parlor-redlands) a few months ago and we finally got around to making it in there this morning. They totally cater to men and the atmosphere was fantastic. I even had fun waiting nearly an hour and half for my Alex to get a haircut and a straight razor shave (only $28). If your husband/boyfriend wants to feel like you've stepped back into a 1956 barber shop, make an appointment. The place is complete with a jukebox, old fashioned barber chairs and all the barbers are dressed in a tie, vest and wing-tipped shoes. So as I sat watching my husband enjoy his 'man day' I was so happy for him. He had been wanting a straight razor shave for so long and I was happy we could finally get around to doing it. I sat there listening to great oldies on the jukebox feeling like I should be wearing a floral mid-calf length voluminous dress, heels and gloves!

All that was missing from the picture were 1950's cars driving Redlands Boulevard outside the window. I started thinking about how much simpler times were back in the days when shops like this were much more common and when music told the story of love and heartache in simple (clear) words.
About fifteen minutes after we arrived an older couple came in and I watched as the woman whispered something to the available barber, her husband had wanted to get  his head shaved. I thought wow, that's a daring move, as he had a full head of hair at the moment. She sat in the back near me in the waiting area and I was going to ask her if this was their first time there but as I turned to look at her I noticed she was crying and had put on her sunglasses. My first thought was, maybe her husband had been re-instated into the military and she was saddened that he would be leaving (maybe it was just the retro state of mind the barber shop had put me in) and then my thoughts turned more sad and I thought, maybe he's sick and needed to have his hair removed. Later, after they left, we found out that indeed, he had cancer and was going to be starting chemotherapy and wanted to remove his hair before it fell out.  I felt so awful and I now understood why she had been so sad to see her husbands hair disappear. Some of the songs that had played on the jukebox (Stand By Me - Ben E. King and the Drifters) for example had almost made me tear up just because I've been extra emotional lately I can't imagine how a song like that had made her feel at the moment. I felt sad but yet blessed like the time when I was shopping for Alex and I's first wedding anniversary gift that a elderly woman inadvertently reminded me how fast time flies and how precious each moment together is. (a post in July 2010) As I had sat there enjoying the simple songs and thinking about this day being a memory for Alex and I, I thought how this may have been a not so memorable day for this woman and her husband. For a second I put myself in their position and I couldn't even bare one tiny thought of it. I then began to think about all the things Alex and I were contemplating and worrying over even as recent as the drive over and I suddenly felt as if we were millionaires in life. My sister had just text me lastnight, "God is testing you. Don't let him down" referring to our 'bad news' about the job and then with this encounter today I just felt God's presence and knew He was reminding me that we should be thankful for what we have, each other, our health and a precious baby on the way; we have been fussing over things that we should be leaving up to Him. Just thinking about it again brings tears to my eyes. I pray for that couple and that he will be cured.
I will never forget today, the fun we had but more importantly the lesson that was so blatantly put in front of me. And to top it all of, like God just sprinkled the nuts and cherry on top, our wedding song This Magic Moment - Ben E. King and The Drifters played as Alex was getting finished up and we were heading out. It was like He, again, reassuring me, all will be fine and will be done in His time.

"You turned my wailing into dancing; you removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy, 
that my heart may sing your praises and not be silent. LORD my God, I will praise you forever." 
Psalm 30:11-12

Week 13: Into the 2nd trimester!

I am 13 weeks and 1 day today! A few fun facts about Baby O. he/she is the size of a peach, has fingerprints now and vocal cords are finishing their development. Tuesday we had our fourth prenatal appointment, it seemed mainly just a check up but then Alex asked if we were going to see the baby again and the doctor said, no, but that we would get to hear the heartbeat via a fetal doppler. At first I was a little bummed, we had been so lucky to see the baby every week, but hearing the heartbeat so loud and clear was equally such a thrill! We both waited (Alex had his phone ready to record the amazing sound) until the doctor got a clear sound and when we heard the strong 'woosh whoosh' we looked at each other in amazement that that was our baby! The heartbeat was 149bpm and by that the doctor predicts a boy! PREDICTS! We are not going to find out the sex of Baby O. until he/she makes their appearance sometime in March so we have to make sure that we let every ultrasound tech know! Again, I could have laid there all day and listened to my baby's heartbeat all morning, in fact every morning when I check my emails, I replay the recording and listen with a huge smile on my face. Hearing the fast little beat made everything seem so much more real and again it just reinforced my want to do everything as perfect as I can for them. I was SO emotional Tuesday, so happy! Hearing that heartbeat took away every worry and concern. That became my focus and I hope Baby O. could feel how happy he/she made me and their father. That afternoon I was doing some work on the computer and listening to my ipod and every other song that came on made me feel like crying! I tried to not let Alex see me because I didn't want him to think something was wrong and then...Silver and Gold (from Rudolph) came on and I lost it! I was just overwhelmed with happiness, thinking about holidays with Baby O. and how excited I was to bake with them, shop, decorate the tree and all the fun Christmas-y things I have been wanting to do with my children. Then again I started thinking about my love/hate relationship with time and I just got overwhelmed. Baby O.'s not even born yet and I don't want them to grow up! This could be really bad.
With my first trimester finished I feel a bit sad, like it's all going so fast. I am feeling much better, getting my appetite and energy back and for that I am extremely thankful. I am still having a few food aversions and cravings...this weeks cravings: beef and broccoli, grapes (only from a specific booth at the San Dimas Farmers Market though), mashed potatoes and still salad and fruit. Food aversions continue to be sandwich meat, pizza/marinara sauce and anything fried... I also feel like by hitting the second trimester it is a bit of a triumph. 1/3 of the way there! I don't know of the nesting phase is hitting me early or if it just because I haven't spent too much time cleaning and organizing lately, but I have (happily) been cleaning the last two days. I am ready to start making room for baby and start showing if my slight bump. Time is already flying and I just want it to slow down!

Happy Day!

Today we had our third prenatal appointment for screenings and we got to see Baby O. again! He/She was VERY active in the womb, flip flopping around, waving to us and shaking it's little legs. A little camera shy, every time the tech tried to catch a glimpse of the face or profile he/she would quickly flip over and show us their back! I could have laid there all morning watching our little baby move around. I laughed a few times because I was so happy and I wondered if the baby knew I was being entertained by them already.
I will be 12 weeks tomorrow and I must admit even though this first trimester has been a little rough I am kind of sad for it to be over. Now we are 1/3 of the way there! I'm feeling a little better than I was last week; last week there must have been a growth spurt or somethin' cause I went from feeling a lot better to feeling like week 7 again...hopefully I will continue feeling better and gaining more of my appetite and energy back!
Currently, sense of smell violators are...pizza, basil, anything with 'italian seasoning' smell, pretty much anything with pasta sauce, still sandwich meat, raw meat, chicken (cooked and raw) and anything fried, blah. I find if I eat anything dairy or drink milk (which I am trying to do to get my calcium intake) I get that "gaggy feeling" more quickly...This week so far I have been eating, fruit popsicle (particularly wanting "paletas" those Mexican fruit bars, I have yet to find a bell ringing ice cream hombre), salads, lots of apple and cranberry juice (half water/half juice), ice ( I used to like room temp. water, now I must have ice in everything), fruit, fruit and more fruit (apples, kiwis, melons, cherries) oh, and Alex went to buy me a little white cake with butter-creme frosting from Albertsons...one random craving :)
Still not sleeping too well at night, the faintest sounds wake me up, including Alex moving and snoring and the Snick moving around and licking her chops. So really, neither Alex or I are getting great sleep because I nudge him to turn over at least five times a night. Sorry hunny-bunny...
I look forward to beginning my second trimester this week and enjoying it, as many other mothers say this will be the best one!
In other Busy Bee news, Alex is in 'finding career' mode. We are expecting a lot of other changes, besides just the baby, over the next couple months (hopefully sooner). So many things going on right now! I am enjoying the excitement of the unknown and expecting the best! He has been working so hard at his graphic design/animation portfolio and a big interview coming up in a week or so. I am so proud of him! He is going to be a great dad! He was so thrilled today seeing the baby move around and he kept saying all day what a proud father he was already. Well, I know Baby O. will be just as proud of his daddy one day ;)

11 weeks 6 days (head is the right, kinda see nose and eyes, body is left)

We're Having A Baby, My Baby and Me!

I cannot describe how excited I am! Alex and I found out we were expecting June 29th, I wrapped up the pregnancy test in long jewelry box and gave it Alex on his break at work. He was ecstatic and surely wore a huge smile all day. A loooong three and a half weeks later we had our first ultrasound along with blood tests and paperwork. I was so nervous at the first appointment, my blood pressure was unusually high and I was shaking. When the little bean came up on the monitor and we heard the whoosh whoosh of the heartbeat (169 bpm) I was put at ease and began to cry. It was so small yet already had a heart! I just wanted to listen to the heartbeat all afternoon! We got our first baby picture and I pinned about five of them all over the house.
As far as morning sickness goes, I guess I should consider myself pretty lucky...I get a "gaggy feeling" most of the time, like something is tickling the back of my tongue and I feel like my nose has super powers. Many smells bother me, I haven't had a sandwich since about June 29th because deli meat sounds and looks disgusting! My main favorite foods have been toast, bagels with cream cheese, cantaloupe, cheese and crackers, applesauce and apple juice.  Keeping my tummy full or at least content has been a challenge, especially because hardly anything sounds good and when it does sound good, I need it NOW! Alex has been so cooperative during this crazy time. He's willing to eat anything I want to eat, has gone as long as I have without morning coffee (I used to not be able to start my day with it, now it stinks!) and has been the housekeeper, cook and counselor. As soon as I am feeling better, can stand to look at raw meat and take the heat in the kitchen I am making him a wonderful dinner! You know me, I LOVE to cook and bake and now and then the thought and urge comes on but then quickly dissipates...Hopefully when the baking season hits I will be ready!
I have been EXTREMELY tired, more like EXHAUSTED! I normally would wake up around 7am, start my day (with that warm cup of coffee) run errands all over town and then work on household chores, now....ha! I can barely make my own breakfast and I'm lucky if I can complete one load of laundry! Forget grocery shopping, that gets done when Alex can go with me. After breakfast I'm ready for a nap! Really. Napping- never used to partake. Now I must or I am a grumpy zombie.
My emotions have been high, I try not to think too much about the future or how fast my baby will grow up because then I will ball my eyes out. I think about all the joys of becoming a mother, watching who our baby will be, what they will be interested in, who they will take after and it makes me cry. I want nothing but the best and everything for our little baby. It is so small now and has no sense of evil or sadness and I wish he/she could just stay that way. I know that could never be but I hope they experience as little as possible. I try hard not to cry or be sad because I know the baby can sense that already. I write letters to him/her a couple times a week and always promise to keep them protected. I already feel like a Mama Bear. I am already proud of him/her, for growing so strong, I can only imagine the pride I will feel for their 'firsts', school awards and other accomplishments.Sometimes I place my hand on my belly and wonder if he/she can sense my thoughts.
I have so many "can't waits" but really I can wait, I know time is going to fly by so I am cherishing every moment, even feeling like I'll never be normal again. I remember these are my first sacrifices for my baby! I would endure so much more if I knew he/she would benefit! It is worth it. I know Alex and I's life will never be the same but in the best way possible, I think. I know in about seven months I will be walking around waiting for him/her to fall asleep and I will probably be even more exhausted than I am now, but I will again try to cherish those moments.
Well, today has been such an amazing day that I will remember ALWAYS! Now, I think I will celebrate with the rest of my slice of Coconut Cream Pie.

6 weeks 5 days

11 weeks

2 Year Anniversary

Alex and I celebrated our two year anniversary today. Two years that have gone by too fast. Two years that have allowed us both to learn more about each other, to grow together and to love together. Again, this year has brought challenges, happiness and sadness but the important thing is that we got through all of it together and stronger at the end.
We celebrated today very simply because I was not feeling too well. Alex gave me two white roses in a bouquet of baby's breath and a very sweet card. He made me breakfast and we relaxed all morning and afternoon watching movies and playing games. For dinner we drove to Cheesecake Factory and got a couple pieces to take home and then dinner take-out from Macaroni Grill. We took Arrow Hwy. all the way to the mall just for the ride and listened to our Third Eye Blind CD. I couldn't help but feel such emotion for the day. I remembered our first "big date" to the Third Eye Blind concert in San Francisco in March '07 and how I felt that night. Nervous, excited, I felt like I was in a dream. It was such a fun night! One of my favorite bands, in San Francisco, one of my favorite cities with a date who treated me so well and whom I could tell cared so much for me so early on. Every song on their self titled CD makes me think of that concert. In fact I just looked it up on YouTube and found it. I know that Alex and I are in that crowd singing along. Our first date is somewhat preserved and I can't help but want to jump into the screen again and relive those feelings in real time again. Ahhh, such a great memory.
As we were on our drive tonight I couldn't help but think about how blessed I was to get everything I ever wanted when I least, and I mean least, expected it! I could have never dreamed that Alex and I would get married and go onto be what we are today. Our life isn't perfect and it's not all diamonds and jewels but it is worth so much more than that. I am so proud of us, so proud of our accomplishments and our love for each other.
So tonight as we celebrate with take-out and our favorite music I am reminded of how much I have to be thankful for, how much we have to be thankful for. We have so much ahead of us, our future is so bright and the best thing is knowing that even if there come a few dark days we will walk through them together, always.

Summer Lovin'

Great summer evening tonight. Nothing special, just Alex and I grabbin' a cone at Rite-Aid. Music playing on K-EARTH 101. Jackson 5 - Never Can Say Good-bye came on and we turned it up and enjoyed the summer breeze. You just have to sway with that song. For a few moments everything was perfect in the world. This is going to be a big year and we can't wait!


***Oh, and we saved a little dog on the way home!

Music is what feelings sound like.

Music has always been a big part of my soul. I can listen to and enjoy pretty much any kind of music and whats more, I can appreciate it. As a kid and teenager growing up I played clarinet and came to have a great appreciation for all things music. I enjoyed listening to whatever my parents were listening to with a sprinkling of what was popular for my own age group. Recently I was visiting my parents on a day that had been particularly rough on me and that evening I sat and watched three DVD concerts with my parents, The Bee Gees, Christ Botti and Neil Young. I didn't really know to many Neil Young songs, in fact I really only knew Heart of Gold and now I love all of them. Now the songs have a precious memory attached to it. A day that started off not so great turned into an evening I will never forget. Young sang about memories and life; you could see in his expressions his feelings.
All the music that means so much to me is attached to some feeling or memory, good or bad they're there. Sometimes the song can bring back a feeling you haven't felt in years and some songs can completely turn the day around (Michael Franks - Antonio's Song, just makes you feel like melting into a vodka tonic and a poolside chair).
I remember being very broken hearted in high school, probably about a boy, probably Alex, and my Papa said, "I know it seems like every sad song on the radio is being played for you, and that just means that other people have felt the way you do." I always remembered that. Music and lyrics are like a quick trip down memory lane for your heart.
Music can also stop the hands of time, again, your right back in a certain place, a certain time. The Leonardo DiCaprio/Claire Danes version of Romeo and Juliet Soundtrack can take me right back to Alex and I's first date at the Mission Inn, Des'ree - Kissing You from that same soundtrack also takes me to the Sacramento Airport waiting for my flight back to Ontario after my first visit there to visit him. I can close my eyes and remember looking at my carry on, seeing the now, dehydrated roses, he brought me when he greeted me and feeling such a mix of emotions. I could cry tears of happiness now just thinking of it.
There are songs that I remember listening to over and over and over again because it was the only way I could hear CLEARLY what I was feeling (Alanis Morissette - That Particular Time)
There are songs that remind me of a carefree time in my life, no serious concerns and feeling like nothing could go wrong. (Kenny Chesney - She's From Boston, Young, Summertime)
There are even old songs that have so much meaning to me now (Connie Francis - Wedding Cake) Knowing that through the years people have felt the same way and that some things don't change and that's ok! That's life, 'que sera sera'!
I could go on and list hundreds of songs along with a memory or feeling.
So, tonight I looked up Neil Young on You Tube and came upon some of his performances from the early 70's. He sounds the same, but of course look older, his expressions are the same 40 years later. I bet he sees himself in '71 and feels a lot of those same feelings he felt then. I bet he knows that feeling of being transported through notes and lyrics. Now, his songs will always remind me of my father and that evening we spent watching him sing.
When I get old I just want to sit and listen to my iPod and remember my life.