For Better, For Worse

Today while driving through town I heard a song on the radio that reminds me of Alex and I first dating and beginning our life together and it brought a tear to my eye, a happy tear. In a few days it will be our four year anniversary of meeting back up again after the ten years and when I heard that song today I was reminded of all the things we've been through in these short four years and all the things we have been through and overcome on just 18 months of marriage!
These last two months have been rough on on us, for we suffered a great loss. As saddening as this time had been it has brought us even closer as husband and wife. We have supported each other through sadness and grief and have continued to learn more about each other. Through these last couple months I have remembered our vows on several occasions, reminding myself of the words we promised each other and of course I get a lump in my throat. I remember how I felt on our wedding day, excited and on top of the world, like nothing could ever make us feel sad. On our large matted engagement photo a good friend wrote, 'Always remember how you feel today.' and I remind myself to do that as much as possible. Everyday is not going to be the best day and I am sure there will be many more bumpy roads ahead but I am 110% confident that Alex and I will get through. Those vows we took in front of God, our family and friends keep us accountable to each other and it is such a great feeling knowing we will always be here for each other.
I have even more respect for our parents (O'Brien's - 45 years and Adame's 31 years) and all other married couples who have stood the test of time, plus children and careers. I feel re-charged right now, like I've been through my first day at college again and now that I've made it through I know I can keep going and I can graduate. Suddenly I'm humming Captain and Tennille's - Love Will Keep us Together.
I am so proud of my husband, proud of us. Proud of what we have become in just four short years. Neither of us will ever forget our loss and this path we had to cross  but we are excited for the future. We remain in God's hands and trust that He know what is best. Again, a comforting feeling.

“One day at a time--this is enough. Do not look back and grieve over the past for it is gone; and do not be troubled about the future, for it has not yet come. Live in the present, and make it so beautiful it will be worth remembering."  -Unknown

Rough Week.

This past week has been one of the most difficult for Alex and I during our whole relationship. During this trying time I know our love will bring us even closer and make our marriage even stronger. I just wish there had been a different way of showing us this. I'm trying to remember though that God knows what he is doing and to be thankful for what He does for us, even when it may not be what we wanted. I feel like I've been reminded of this everyday in some small way, but it still does not take away the hurt. We have been very strong for each other and continue to pray and thank God for the blessings he has given us. All we can do is move forward and know that God is with us.

This Year.

This Year- Is going to be great! I just know it is. 
The end of 2010 was pretty crazy. We lost Alex's grandmother to medical complications a week before Christmas which was difficult on the O'Brien Family. It was nice to see family we hadn't seen in a while but it was unfortunate it was under sad circumstances. It was rather sudden and unexpected. I turned 30 this past Christmas and had a joyful celebration with my family. I was also sick pretty much all of December due to an awful sinus infection so some of the month is a fog to me. Alex and I had planned to just stay home and have a nice quiet new years eve party for two, watch some movies and of course watch the ball drop in New York City. Around noon the cable went out and wasn't expected to come on til the following Wednesday. I probably over reacted a but to the news but I was really looking forward to watching celebration in the streets in NYC. We searched for an hour online for coverage but could find anything in our time zone. So we were stuck with whatever was on the DVR and our DVD collection. At midnight we said farewell to 2010, gave each other a kiss and Alex was snoring by 12:10am. Poor thing had to be at Starbucks to open the store at 5:30am. Who was going to be at Starbucks at 6am on New Years Day!? Since the cable was still out I couldn't even watch the Rose Parade...That evening we went to my parents to have menudo and tamales. Yum! We all played Apples to Apples, listened to great music and enjoyed each others company. It is times like that that I feel SO blessed. I love being with my whole family and it was the perfect way to bring in the new year!

So I am FINALLY starting to feel better and am looking forward to all that 2011 is going to bring. Surely there will be challenges and difficulties but I am even more sure they will all be worth it. I am already experiencing some, but again, I know it will be worth it! I did not make a list of resolutions, I didn't even think about it really. I have so much else on my mind and know myself that I didn't take the time. A few things I am going to work on this year though are continuing to remain positive and not to worry so much, especially about things I can't control and build my Etsy site and hopefully earn some extra cash. So HELLO 2011! Bring it on!
"Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it." - Ferris Bueller 

30 days!!!

In 30 days I will be 30. Unbelievable. Lately I've been getting a little down on myself about not having accomplished MORE by this age. I've been focusing on the things that I don't have, yet, as opposed to thing things I do have. I've been worrying a little too much about what certain people or family thinks I should have by now. And, there some things I thought when I was 20 I would have done or have by now. What I am trying to remember are the things I do have or or HAVE accomplished and also that things change, priorities change (as my little sister reminded me recently)
I also feel like the situation with my back has also "aged" me. It is constantly on my mind and the pain is always there to remind me of my physical limits. I've just kinda realized, if I want to do something bad enough, I will do it but then have to deal with the repercussions of pain. I get down on myself about not being able to work, but then I remind myself to be thankful that Alex has a good job, close by, great benefits and free coffee :) There are so many people without jobs or a warm place to live...so I am very thankful that I do have a warm home it may not be a huge house (like I hoped I'd have) it may not be filled with children, yet. And I may not have pictures covering the walls of all my world travels or fancy cell phone filled with numbers of clients and business partners (which I thought I'd have). I DO have a home that I love, a wonderful husband and family, memories and pictures of the places I have been, an good education and degree and pretty good health.
So I've come to realize that my life isn't going to be on the time line I planned. There will be setbacks and advances. I know that if I just leave my worries and questions to God he will give me answers. Maybe not the next day or week but things will work out, they always do. I have only lived 29 years, SO many years yet to enjoy, right? I shouldn't see those things I haven't done yet as just something that past me by, no, they just haven't been done yet! I have another 30 years to get to Italy, its been there for thousands of years I'm sure she can wait another thirty years! Probably even less! I am going to enjoy my time in an apartment, maintenance is only a call away!
I am going to live it up these next 30 days!30 is the new 20! I want to go do things, just ENJOY life! I am going to try hard NOT to worry about anything and I will look FORWARD to my birthday!

MEN!

 

Alex often complains when I do laundry about my habit of hanging clothes to dry in the doorways of our place...sometimes I admit it is like walking through of forest of clothing, but I don't put anything in the dryer except towels, linens and undergarments! 

So today I found this while putting laundry away. It  must have fallen off the closet door frame while he was getting ready this morning and he attempted to hang it back up, somewhere...it made me laugh. 

Gotta love him...

This morning Alex was getting ready for a job fair and I went in to see how he was getting along with his hair, which is in need of a cut. (Always seems that an opportunity arrives when he needs a haircut, same for me I guess) Anyway, he was standing there in his slacks and a t-shirt and for a second I thought, he is a man. Not the Family Guy t-shirt wearing college guy I sometimes think of him as. In that moment he was a man preparing to go into the world and find a better job to support his family. I got kind of teary eyed and so proud when I saw him at this moment.
I remember many times seeing my dad at home in his undershirt and slacks eating dinner with us after work about to  help one of us finish a project or getting ready in the morning signing a permission slip to something. These are such heart warming memories for me. When I saw Alex this morning in that same family man attire I gained more respect for him as a man, more love for him as the man I am married to and more will to be as supportive to his decisions and sacrifices as his wife.

Change

HELLO! "It's been so long, so very long..." (Maureen O'Hara, Parent Trap 1961)

Why have I not been writing in my blog? Well....a few things-
     I got my wisdom teeth taken out which wasn't bad at all except for the weird side affect I got. Dizziness...awful. My mother and father had to come stay with me while Alex was working almost everyday of the week after my extractions and poor Alex had to deal with me when he got home...I don't know how or why it happened, but it did and I hope it never happens again. Not that I minded my parents and Alex taking care of me but I couldn't do ANYTHING! I tried different "Epley Maneuvers" hoping that would help if it was a slight case of vertigo from the drilling of the teeth and I tried sudafed in case it was a slight sinus infection...and one day after a morning if watching golf with my dad it was gone! I was SO ecstatic as was the rest of the family! I was finally able to get back to my old self...This dizzy spell came at an awful time because we were in the middle preparing for a garage sale and packing for our move...
    We moved to a much nicer, newer apartment in Claremont (it's actually Upland, but it's right near the colleges to I say Claremont). We LOVE it! It is SO much work to move, even just to move a two bedroom apartment. I can't imagine moving a whole house!
      Unfortunately with everything going on lately plus worrying about my back (which is still unsolved) my anxiety has returned with unpredictable panic attacks. This tends to happen every few years and the only reason I can come up with is that I am not good with change. Even when it's good. Plus with the added daily worry of whats going on with my back I can't help but to think the worst of situation and just constantly be concerned about my health and everyday life things. You would think by now after years of this I would be a pro at keeping it under control but I'm not. It's really hard to explain/describe if you've never experienced it and I could be here all day writing about it. If your wondering why I just don't take medication for it, well, one- I've tried many and the zombie-like side effects are not worth it to me and two- I feel I'm already taking enough medication for my back pain. I'm hoping with enough positive thinking, journaling and reassuring myself that I'm FINE it will just go away on its own as it has in the past. This isn't really an excuse for not writing, but its been preoccupying. Alex has been so wonderful through this. I don't know how many time he's heard me take a deep breath and say, "I'm so anxious right now!" He is so sympathetic and is always seeking ways to help me remain calm, even if it's just loading the dishwasher...he is my prince charming. I also am extremely thankful for my family. Knowing that there is always someone I can call to talk to or ask to come help me out when I'm not well is such a blessing.
      We just celebrated Alex's 32nd birthday last weekend so I had been busy planning and preparing. We had a great time, about three days of celebrating! His parents came to visit Friday, we had cake and presents Saturday, he went golfing Sunday and we went to Disneyland Monday (his actual birthday). Lucky guy. So now with Halloween three days away we have been finishing up our costumes and I am making a few crafty gifts for friends and family. Hopefully tomorrow I can get to the Pumpkin Swirl Brownies I have been meaning to make for pretty much all of October...

     I look forward a weekend full of cozy nights, comforting foods, scary movies and more memories. I wish you all a Happy Halloween and here's hoping you get more treats than tricks!