30 days!!!

In 30 days I will be 30. Unbelievable. Lately I've been getting a little down on myself about not having accomplished MORE by this age. I've been focusing on the things that I don't have, yet, as opposed to thing things I do have. I've been worrying a little too much about what certain people or family thinks I should have by now. And, there some things I thought when I was 20 I would have done or have by now. What I am trying to remember are the things I do have or or HAVE accomplished and also that things change, priorities change (as my little sister reminded me recently)
I also feel like the situation with my back has also "aged" me. It is constantly on my mind and the pain is always there to remind me of my physical limits. I've just kinda realized, if I want to do something bad enough, I will do it but then have to deal with the repercussions of pain. I get down on myself about not being able to work, but then I remind myself to be thankful that Alex has a good job, close by, great benefits and free coffee :) There are so many people without jobs or a warm place to live...so I am very thankful that I do have a warm home it may not be a huge house (like I hoped I'd have) it may not be filled with children, yet. And I may not have pictures covering the walls of all my world travels or fancy cell phone filled with numbers of clients and business partners (which I thought I'd have). I DO have a home that I love, a wonderful husband and family, memories and pictures of the places I have been, an good education and degree and pretty good health.
So I've come to realize that my life isn't going to be on the time line I planned. There will be setbacks and advances. I know that if I just leave my worries and questions to God he will give me answers. Maybe not the next day or week but things will work out, they always do. I have only lived 29 years, SO many years yet to enjoy, right? I shouldn't see those things I haven't done yet as just something that past me by, no, they just haven't been done yet! I have another 30 years to get to Italy, its been there for thousands of years I'm sure she can wait another thirty years! Probably even less! I am going to enjoy my time in an apartment, maintenance is only a call away!
I am going to live it up these next 30 days!30 is the new 20! I want to go do things, just ENJOY life! I am going to try hard NOT to worry about anything and I will look FORWARD to my birthday!

MEN!

 

Alex often complains when I do laundry about my habit of hanging clothes to dry in the doorways of our place...sometimes I admit it is like walking through of forest of clothing, but I don't put anything in the dryer except towels, linens and undergarments! 

So today I found this while putting laundry away. It  must have fallen off the closet door frame while he was getting ready this morning and he attempted to hang it back up, somewhere...it made me laugh. 

Gotta love him...

This morning Alex was getting ready for a job fair and I went in to see how he was getting along with his hair, which is in need of a cut. (Always seems that an opportunity arrives when he needs a haircut, same for me I guess) Anyway, he was standing there in his slacks and a t-shirt and for a second I thought, he is a man. Not the Family Guy t-shirt wearing college guy I sometimes think of him as. In that moment he was a man preparing to go into the world and find a better job to support his family. I got kind of teary eyed and so proud when I saw him at this moment.
I remember many times seeing my dad at home in his undershirt and slacks eating dinner with us after work about to  help one of us finish a project or getting ready in the morning signing a permission slip to something. These are such heart warming memories for me. When I saw Alex this morning in that same family man attire I gained more respect for him as a man, more love for him as the man I am married to and more will to be as supportive to his decisions and sacrifices as his wife.

Change

HELLO! "It's been so long, so very long..." (Maureen O'Hara, Parent Trap 1961)

Why have I not been writing in my blog? Well....a few things-
     I got my wisdom teeth taken out which wasn't bad at all except for the weird side affect I got. Dizziness...awful. My mother and father had to come stay with me while Alex was working almost everyday of the week after my extractions and poor Alex had to deal with me when he got home...I don't know how or why it happened, but it did and I hope it never happens again. Not that I minded my parents and Alex taking care of me but I couldn't do ANYTHING! I tried different "Epley Maneuvers" hoping that would help if it was a slight case of vertigo from the drilling of the teeth and I tried sudafed in case it was a slight sinus infection...and one day after a morning if watching golf with my dad it was gone! I was SO ecstatic as was the rest of the family! I was finally able to get back to my old self...This dizzy spell came at an awful time because we were in the middle preparing for a garage sale and packing for our move...
    We moved to a much nicer, newer apartment in Claremont (it's actually Upland, but it's right near the colleges to I say Claremont). We LOVE it! It is SO much work to move, even just to move a two bedroom apartment. I can't imagine moving a whole house!
      Unfortunately with everything going on lately plus worrying about my back (which is still unsolved) my anxiety has returned with unpredictable panic attacks. This tends to happen every few years and the only reason I can come up with is that I am not good with change. Even when it's good. Plus with the added daily worry of whats going on with my back I can't help but to think the worst of situation and just constantly be concerned about my health and everyday life things. You would think by now after years of this I would be a pro at keeping it under control but I'm not. It's really hard to explain/describe if you've never experienced it and I could be here all day writing about it. If your wondering why I just don't take medication for it, well, one- I've tried many and the zombie-like side effects are not worth it to me and two- I feel I'm already taking enough medication for my back pain. I'm hoping with enough positive thinking, journaling and reassuring myself that I'm FINE it will just go away on its own as it has in the past. This isn't really an excuse for not writing, but its been preoccupying. Alex has been so wonderful through this. I don't know how many time he's heard me take a deep breath and say, "I'm so anxious right now!" He is so sympathetic and is always seeking ways to help me remain calm, even if it's just loading the dishwasher...he is my prince charming. I also am extremely thankful for my family. Knowing that there is always someone I can call to talk to or ask to come help me out when I'm not well is such a blessing.
      We just celebrated Alex's 32nd birthday last weekend so I had been busy planning and preparing. We had a great time, about three days of celebrating! His parents came to visit Friday, we had cake and presents Saturday, he went golfing Sunday and we went to Disneyland Monday (his actual birthday). Lucky guy. So now with Halloween three days away we have been finishing up our costumes and I am making a few crafty gifts for friends and family. Hopefully tomorrow I can get to the Pumpkin Swirl Brownies I have been meaning to make for pretty much all of October...

     I look forward a weekend full of cozy nights, comforting foods, scary movies and more memories. I wish you all a Happy Halloween and here's hoping you get more treats than tricks!

Our First Year as Husband and Wife

I just finished cleaning the apartment for our anniversary weekend before Alex gets home from work. I put out all our framed pictures, got a variety of white flowers to put around in vases and just make the place as romantic as our little home can be. We will be going away for our anniversary for a nice dinner and a stay at an amazing hotel near the coast so we are looking very forward to that!
This year has been crazy! From the wedding to now, seems as though it has been non stop! Along with all the great things that have happened, there have definitely been a few downers. I was reminded though as I shopped for Alex's gift yesterday how thankful I should be and how I should not take one moment for granted. I really try not to anyway, but sometimes those few bad occurrences throughout life can just make everything dark and gray. I went to find an anniversary journal I had seen online. It has a chapter to write your memories of the wedding and significant events throughout your first year, then a section for every anniversary after that until the "golden years" section where the anniversaries continue through 65! I thought, wow! isn't that something! 65 YEARS! we'll be 95! God willing we make it that far (health wise, not marriage wise). So I went to check out and the associates were wrapping my gift and while I was waiting and older woman came in and asked for thank you cards, she said her husband had just past and she wanted to send thank you notes to all the people who had sent her their sympathy. I though, how nice. I also had to really try to hold my tears back! I thought, here I am in the same room with someone who just sadly lost her husband (probably of many years) and I am buying my husband our first anniversary present. I thought about our first year and all the joys and the disappointments we've had and how those disappointments have only made us grow closer together and learn how to get through them. Not to sound too cliche, but life is full of disappointments and it just nice to have someone there to pick you up when your down and its nice to do the picking up sometimes. (Ugh, again, those tears just find their way, even as I type) I though about our future and what it will bring. All the moments yet to be enjoyed! As I'm sure that woman would say, those are the things we'll remember. And with each joyful moment I get a little sad, because the time already seems to be going so fast. I want to slow it down...About ten years ago I would say I couldn't wait to be married and have a place of my own, and now, it's here. Now we say, we want a house, less debt! and kids and I'm sure that even though they seem kinda far off now, in the blink of an eye they'll be here too; just as the time flew before. So I told myself when I left the store that I would make the absolute best of this week and the rest of my life. Despite our worries with my back, finances, etc. I know that things will work themselves out. They always do and worrying doesn't do anything to better the outcome for speed or slow things down. I think that encounter was perfect coincidence just to get me out of the rut I felt I had been in. Just like that, our first year is almost done. We are going to celebrate it and enjoy each others company. I know that when that 65th year rolls around and we're writing in our journal this weekend will seem like it was just the year before, and with a tear in my eye I will be just as much in love.

Ultimate Get Nothing Done Day...except thank God, again, for a great husband

I was having a really bad day today. Nothing in particular, just having a blah day. Well, maybe a few things in particular...trying to think of an activity for us in Santa Barbara for our anniversary- on a budget; my back and when this pain will go away and Alex's dumb boss. So there, a few things. I also woke up with an awful headache which is NO way to start a day! So I had been moping around the house, trying to motivate myself to finish various projects I have going (when do I not have a project going...?) and I ended up spending most of the time on the couch with my index finger and thumb firmly pressed against my temples. At 3pm Alex and I realized we hadn't eaten anything yet except toast and coffee, he had a chiropractic appointment so he said when he came back he would make us...lunch? He stopped at the store on the way home to get milk and we had Toy Story shaped mac and cheese...after lunch I could smell cake cooking and I asked Alex if he was making a cake and he said (in a little boy voice), "You're not supposed to smmeelllll!"....ok. So about an hour later I came around the hall corner and there he was standing with a frosted, double layer cake! He said,"You're always making me things so I thought I would try to make you something." ....awwww! So we had cake for dinner and watched Jeopardy. And he even washed all the dishes! He was so proud for his efforts and I was even more proud. Knowing that he even just thought about it while he was at the store makes me get a lump in my throat. He asks me all the time, "what can I do for you?" when i am feeling bad or when my back is hurting me and I always say, I don't know or nothing, I'm fine and this time he just did something on his own and that tiny little thing meant so much. He kept saying, "Sorry it's not perfect." All I could think was, even if it didn't bake all the way through I still would have loved it. He really did do a great job! The fact that it was a double layer really impressed me! haha. I love him so  much and today was just one of many days I know I will remember in my mental notebook. When we're old and gray, today will mean as much to me then as it did today, probably more. As my dad would say, it's one that I will bottle up and want to open up again and again.

Pizza Night

One of our favorite things to make is pizza on the grill. Bonus: it doesn't heat up the kitchen! My favorite toppings are fresh mozzarella, fresh tomato and basil. Alex loves pepperoni, cheese, bacon, cheese and pepperoni. I make the pizza dough from scratch because it is yummy, more pliable than frozen or any store bought I've tried and super easy with this recipe from Martha Stewart's, Everyday Food- July/August issue! 


Basic Grilled Pizza Dough
makes 1 pound dough or four 10-inch pizzas
Ingredients:
salt and pepper
1 tsp. sugar
1 packet (1/4 oz) active dry yeast
2 tsp. extra virgin olive oil, plus more for bowl and brushing
2 1/4 cups all purpose flour, plus more for work surface (I tried using whole wheat flour here and did not come out as good as when I used regular flour)

1. Pour 1 cup warm water into a medium bowl; add sugar and sprinkle with yeast. Let stand until foamy, about 5 minutes.

2.Whisk in oil and 1 tsp salt into yeast mixture. Add flour and stir with a wooden spoon until liquid is incorporated (dough will appear dry). Turn out onto a floured work surface. Knead until dough comes together in an elastic ball. Transfer to an oiled medium bowl. Cover bowl with plastic wrap; set in a warm, draft-free place until dough has doubled in size, about 45 minutes (I put the bowl in the oven (not on) to keep it away from drafts, it seems to work perfect). Punch dough down and place back in bowl, in a draft free palce for another 30 minutes.

3. Once dough has reached its final size, turn dough out onto floured surface. Divide into four equal pieces, or two (depending on the size of your grill). Roll out dough and brush one side with olive oil.

 While rolling out the dough, start grill and heat on medium. Take dough to grill and place oiled side down. Brush other side with olive oil.

Dough will start to bubble while it cooks, we just keep checking the bottom with a large metal spatula until it reaches  your desired crispiness :)

Once the dough is mostly cooked/crispy turn off the flame and top your pizza with sauce (see recipe below) and desired toppings. Close the lid and let the cheese melt.

If you desire bell peppers, mushrooms or things of that nature I would suggest sauteing them in a pan or grilling them separate to cook them through before adding to pizza. It takes about 5-7 minutes for the cheeses to melt and for the pizza to be ready to eat.


















Sauce- this is just a quick light tomato sauce, hope you try it an enjoy it!

For 4 10-inch pizzas I blend (in blender or food processor) 1 28 oz. can of diced or whole tomatoes with about 7-8 cloves of garlic, (I love garlic, so if your not a fan use less and just add more to taste) salt and pepper. I pour that into a saute pan with about 1 tsp. of extra virgin olive oil and cook for about 20 minutes. I usually do this while the dough is rising. After it cooks I let it cool down and then ladle it onto the crusts after they are cooked on the grill.

It's a dirty job, but someone has got to do it...

So we have an old school wall unit air condition in our living room that sticks out on our patio and leaks water while it runs. I also have a small little trash can close to it. Well, I didn't realize that for the past few days the air conditioner had been leaking the water into the trash can (filled with trash). Not bad trash, just plant clippings, dryer fuzz and bits of paper...I just noticed the water in the can yesterday so I asked Alex if he could empty it for me. The screen door opened and I heard a gagging sound. Not good. The smell from that trash can was so awful! I wouldn't have been able to do it myself. He used some old (well, now they're old) BBQ tongs to remove the content first and then he took it outside to dump the swap water. He bleached the little can, took out the trash and made it all smell better. Thank God for husbands. Someone has to do the gross jobs...

Summer Read

                                   This is an amazing book. The author is a man but by reading the book you would NEVER guess. A must read.

Love and Marriage

So we are coming up on our 1 year anniversary ALREADY!!!! I can't believe how fast the time has flown. So much has happened the last year or so...I will try to quickly fill you in...
First of all, I no longer work for Target. Last March I came down with a mystery back pain that no one could seem to figure out or cure. I have had test after test, different medications, many doctor appointments and MANY sleepless worrisome nights. I still have not 100% figured out my diagnosis but it is currently at

Costochondritis an inflammation of rib muscle or the cartilage connecting a rib. it is extremely painful most of the time, I describe the pain as being that initial feeling of tightness in the chest when you get the wind knocked out of you, but all around the right side of my chest (basically my right rib cage). So I am medicated most of the day to help the pain although I have not been able to work because of the strength of the pain medicine and my in-ability to be in one position for too long. It has definitely been a stress on Alex and I's first year of marriage. He has had to be the only provider for the last few months since my benefits and state disability ran out. I I am currently awaiting a decision from Social Security Disability and any little bit would totally help. This has also taken a toll on my mental health as I used to be very active, loved to travel and have fun. Now, walking for too long can put my back into unbearable pain so my outings are limited. I am SO appreciative of my amazing husband for all he has been doing for us through this difficult time. He works full time for Starbucks as an assistant manager and also goes to school full time at ITT Tech here in San Dimas. To show my appreciation for him I try my best to make a happy home for him. I love to cook and be crafty so I am always thinking of ways that I can brighten his long days or give him something special when he comes home. Because we are living on limited means right now, I have become the QUEEN BEE of coupons! I look forward to Wednesday afternoon mail for the grocery ads to plan our weekly meals. I also take full advantage of three local farmers markets throughout the week. I keep myself busy by learning to cook new things and doing paper crafts. I am trying to enjoy the bright-side of not working--- being a loving wife and making a happy home for my husband but I do wish I could take a little stress off of Alex from a financial standpoint. We still have our little SnickerBaby, who definitely keeps me company on Alex's long days. She is the sweetest pup ever and we love her to death. In March of this past year we actually adopted a Queensland Heeler pup from the Inland Valley Humane Society in Pomona but unfortunately had to take her back four days later and sadly had to have her put down due to parvo-virus. It was extremely sad for Alex and I. We had fallen in love with her in that short time and it broke our hearts to part with her. We keep a picture of her on our bookshelf, because she was part of our family, even if it was just for a few days and we will always remember her. Today, Alex and I are enjoying our afternoon together. He unfortunately hurt his back last week so I am nursing my hunny-bunny back to health. He is equipped with movies, video games, pistachios, trail mix, IcyHot and beer. He's definitely earned a few couch potato days. I will be posting some pictures of projects I am working on or great recipes I find, any household tips I find useful (or funny) and anything else I think newbie wives or wives-to-be may like to know. Hope you all have a wonderful Sunday! Bel.